A Travellerspoint blog

Wednesday 4th April - Day 6

Grand Canyon with the worst tour guide ever - Dirk. He kept forgetting where we were and his banter was shite. The actual place itself was pretty cool though. It went as far as the eye could see, and then some. Quite bizarre how it has formed over millions of years.

Having mustered enough courage to go on the Skywalk, Dan had a Balotelli moment whilst trying to put on his 'slippers'. We the preceded to have the worst picture of all time taken. There we were laying down on the glass, God knows how high up we were and we were told to do a Superman pose and fold your arms like you're a motherfucking gangsta. I don't quite think either of us had the heart or balls to say 'No mate.' just incase they chucked us over.

My head was burnt, ah the joys of balding. I looked like a mix between the evil guy out of Insidious and Simon Weston from the Falkland's War.

Won at New York New York and quickly cashed out. Overall Rob $950. Dan $1000....awesome victory. Its pretty much guaranteed that we'll lose it in Billy Hills on Kabaddi.

We went to the Stratosphere and told to do the same gay folded arms picture and a nice 'loving' one which proved to be tremendously homosexual. We nearly flew off the side as it was so windy. Well Dan did, I however, well i stayed firmly on the ground. No hurricane in the world could move this immovable object...but the chance of a free burger...well that's something different.

Posted by bobbymoo15 21:13 Archived in USA Comments (0)

Tuesday 3rd April - Day 5

Visited Vegas sign....iconic but a bit weird. Just a load of people getting a pic next to a sign. I can't imagine anyone would get a pic next to the street sign 'Spring Bank...twinned with Kosovo'.

The rest of the day was spent in New York New York. Had a great dealer, Macy Gray with Tourettes. Then we had the women who will forever be remember as the Grim Reaper. Shit, as soon as she changed over I managed to lose my mini fortune in the matter of minutes.

Picture with 'Rizzo'...rapper. Did a rhyme for us which had the ultimate line of 'Rob and Dan, Dan and Rob they're not in the English mob.' Well what a lyricist!

I was told "You're friend has a bee on his head" great thing is, that Dan wasn't told first. I wish he didn't hear, as that could been pretty darn ace. Again you would've seen someone run without actually running.

On the night time, we went to see the great Penn & Teller. Yeah it was rather good I suppose. Brilliant. The frigging Jazz pianist was a shite bellend though, who tried to hog the limelight a little too long for my liking. Met them after the show and had a pic with them..."boss"

The taxi driver back to the hotel was a character. He proclaimed to hate "Fucking Ethiopians" for no real reason as far as I can remember.

Posted by bobbymoo15 21:13 Archived in USA Comments (0)

Monday 2nd April - Day 4

Dan bought a cardigan, then proceeded to leave it in New York New York. I was in stitches because never has a person ran so fast, without actually running.

Casino was rather kind to us today. So far $1700 won. Drinks were been slung around like a 'Dam pro by her pimp.

Duelling pianos was awesome. A few requests were played: Coldplay, Bruce Springsteen but more importantly Seal! There was an ultra annoying woman who picked up a hula hoop next to the pianos, (as you do) and then started spinning it around her. She was all arms like an octopus. Yeah it was clever, but when you're acting like a dick, you're a dick...trust me I know from personal experience.

Quotes of "Oh, but Mr Mohammed", "Oh, but Mr Gohan" we're been thrown around right, left and Bransholme.

Posted by bobbymoo15 21:12 Archived in USA Comments (0)

Sunday 1st April - Day 3

The buffet breakfast was awesome and definitely worth the 14 hours wait in the queue. I've never known a place where you can have bacon, noodles and cake all on the same plate, and not look out of place.

After a leisurely stroll along the strip we got some oxygen (not because I'm fat and needed it. It was just a gimmick like at Leeds Fest) and massage. My back felt worse after it was done, maybe because we put each other in charge of the pulsing machines for a brief time. Needles to say, at one point my arms were controlling my body, and I had no say in the matter. Continuing along the strip, we see smack head hippies selling pebbles. That's right pebbles. It's not as if you can get them for free anywhere. There was a really shit version of Biggie calling some Asian woman a bomber - charming guy really. Nice to see there's no animosity between America and the Eastern countries after 9-11. Two old dudes singing RnB with some dude dancing like he was having an epileptic fit.

Fremont street...well if you're mind isn't weird before this, then it certainly will be afterwards. Midget Elvis, Mr T, Ventriloquist who spoke to Dan about Ken Bates and Thimon Graython, but kept moving the the dummy's mouth. Biggest tits ever. Bizarre Shawn Michaels character singing. Saw a Michael Jackson impersonator who was the double of him, but must have been the mid 80s version as he was still going through the change as he had white hands but his nose was still black.

The dreaded casino was nothing but a fucking bellend to us tonight. The number 27 come out about 15 times on the bounce.

Posted by bobbymoo15 21:10 Archived in USA Comments (0)

Saturday 31st March - Day 2

Up at 6:30am. What a ball ache. I don't like to remember that there are two 6:30's in a day. It just depresses me.

Flight on time 11:00. The first flight went by quick...7 hours. It's an all male crew which is dubious! Instead of giving open gestures where the exits are, typical Americans to just point with minimal effort, but maximum cockiness.

On arrival, Interrogation starts. 9-11 aside, customs ain't much banter. Who the hell do they think I am? I mean yeah I have a beard, and yeah I'm carrying a backpack, oh wait....now I see. "How old are you? What did you have for breakfast on 14th January 2009? How much is a Twix in China?"...random shit.

The second flight from Philly to Vegas was full of cba (chronic back Aids) for both of us. Looking out the window, we can't work out where we are....loads of crop circles in the desert. It feels like one of them really crappy mystery shows on TV, where eyewitnesses say, 'One minute I was in a crop circle, the next, finger up my arse by an alien.'

Midnight at home....bright sunshine in USA. Getting to sleep is going to be fun. Fingers crossed we don't crash in the water. But if we do, at least we have our seat cushion to keeps us afloat. Phew...what a life saver.

There's something really whiney about the American accent. It just grates on me. Good job we're not going there on hol...i...day....ah right. I guess I'll just have to shut up about the whole thing.

Arrive in Vegas. After looking for the time, I see this big ass clock moving towards me. What is this? A figment of my imagination. No, wrong. It's Flava Flav at baggage claim. He single handedly manages to make a joke of humanity with the clock around the neck, and his snake like gangsta lean. Shame he wasn't wearing his Viking helmet. He called me his "n*gger." As a balding, whale of a man, how could I respond to that...that's right, "yeah man, cool" in a chavvy kinda way. The only thing I missed was 'wagwaan' at the end.

The hotel is rickydiculous. Outside there are fountains playing along to music and Jesus protesters with Elvis impersonators....so all in all, just a normal night back home in Marley's.

After what seemed a 20 mile wander through Vegas we were charged $17 for 2 drinks. Wow! Luckily though, to cheer us up was the sweet sound of a Scottish guy playing bagpipes and annoying clicking gets with cards.

The first venture into the Casino proved to be worthwhile. $500 up. There was a useless swine in charge. She would not stop bloody talking and rather than telling a guy how much he'd win for putting some chips on a split number, she tried to show him about 7 times. In the end he got his money back and buggered off.

Posted by bobbymoo15 21:09 Archived in USA Comments (0)

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